


she's single, ladies

by zaritarazi



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ficlet, Kendra and Ray are mentioned but are not there in person. it makes sense in context i promise, Multi, Trans Female Character, everyone is so aggressively horny on this ship and for what, trans headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24580975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaritarazi/pseuds/zaritarazi
Summary: sara makes the absolutely urgent, earth-shattering announcement that kendra now has an upswipez profile.
Relationships: Sara Lance/Kendra Saunders/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	she's single, ladies

**Author's Note:**

> so obviously with the way things went charlie is on vacation and sara is in space, but we're just gonna push that aside and let that happen. i'm right and phil is wrong

“Is everything okay?” Behrad asks, panting slightly with the exertion of having just bolted from the lab to the main console. “You said we were having an emergency meeting.”

“We are,” Sara says.

“Did someone other than Charlie break time?” Zari asks.

“It was one time,” Charlie says, to which Zari sticks out her tongue. Charlie giggles in response.

“No, nothing’s broken,” Sara says. “This is way more important.”

“We have to save the president?” Nate asks.

“Ew, what? No,” Sara says.

“Well I finally got to my slot on the shower schedule,” Astra says. “So this better be fucking urgent.”

“Oh, it is,” Sara says. At this point, she can tell by the general number of bodies in her vicinity at any given time that the team is or isn’t gathered, and this cluster seems correct enough. “Gideon, pull up the profile of one Kendra Saunders on UpSwipez.”

“Who’s Kendra?” Zari asks.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ava says.

“That makes me worry more,” Zari says.

“Ms. Saunders created a new Upswipez profile this morning at approximately 1:06 AM,” Gideon says. “She lists her interests as cropped shirts, musicals, and no-strings attached relationships.”

“So you brought us all in here to look at this woman’s-“ Behrad tilts his head. “Dating profile?”

“I brought you all in here to see this _newly_ _single_ woman’s dating profile.” Sara slaps her hands down on the console. “Charlie. Did you do this?”

“What?” Charlie asks. “Am I in trouble?” 

“No,” Sara says. “But I just need to know if, in the course of resetting the timeline as we know it, did you happen to accidentally or on purpose break up a pair of ancient, bird-related soulmates?”

Charlie blinks at the profile that’s pulled up in front of her and suddenly jumps in surprise, making Zari jolt beside her. “Holy shit!”

“What?” Sara said. “Did you do it?”

“I didn’t have anything to do with her love life,” Charlie says. “I knew she looked familiar. I’d recognize those two anywhere.”

“You’re talking about her boobs?” Behrad asks.

“Yes, obviously,” Charlie says. “I know her.”

“When did you meet her?” Sara says. “Because I met her four years ago which means I have dibs.”

“I met her four-thousand years ago,” Charlie says, with a fond little grin. She crosses her arms. “That’s Chay-ara. I hadn’t put it together until you mentioned the bird thing.” She tilts her head. “And the doomed lovers thing, I guess.”

“Did you two-“ Nate meets Charlie’s gaze, and he tilts up his chin. “You know.”

Charlie grins back. “Obviously,” she says.

“Very nice,” Nate says. He lifts his hand to high-five Charlie, only for Sara to immediately smack it down.

“Well then,” she finally says. “Now she’s Kendra, and she’s got a dating profile. So I think we ALL know what this means.”

“You want us all to fuck her?” John says.

“Absolutely not,” Sara says. “This is by no means a team activity.” She wraps her arm around Ava’s waist. “Unless you mean me and Ava. The two of  _ us _ are going to bang her.”

“So why do we all have to be here for this?” Behrad asks.

“Wait, I’m confused,” Astra says. “How do you know her, and why do you care if she’s got a dating profile?”

“That,” Sara says, pointing at Kendra’s photo with her free hand. “Is Hawkgirl.”

“You mean Wonder Woman’s BFF?” Zari asks. 

“Say that again to my face,” Sara says.

“Ava,” Zari whines. “She’s getting weird.”

“It’s a sensitive issue,” Ava says. “We try not to mention W-W around here.”

“Diana?” Charlie says. “I know her, too!”

“Can she be killed?” Sara asks.

“We’re not going to kill anyone,” Ava says. “No need to try and kill another god for at least a few more months. Right, everyone?”

The mumbles of agreement that she gets in response work well enough.

“Bird-girl got hotter,” Mick finally says.

“Thank you, Mick,” Sara says. “I agree.”

“Oh, so he can say something but the rest of us can’t?” Charlie asks.

“It’s a 2016 thing,” Sara says. “The rest of you wouldn’t understand.”

“So you called us all in here,” Astra says. “To announce to us that you found Hawkgirl’s dating profile.”

“And that you and Ava are going to-“ Nate gestures. “Double team her?”

“First of all, yes,” Sara says, to Astra. “Second of all, explain what you mean by double team. But the answer is probably also yes.”

“Has Ava even met Kendra?” Charlie says.

“I researched her,” Ava says. “Before I actually… met any of you. And Sara’s told me about her. So basically, yes.”

“Don’t tell her that,” Zari says. “Not a good way to introduce yourself.”

Ava opens her mouth but double thinks her response. A pause, before she says, “Noted.”

“I don’t think it’s fair for Sara to get the only dibs on her,” Charlie says. “I mean, all of us share everyone, so why is she exclusive?”

“Thank you for asking,” Sara says. “Because I fucking said so.”

“What Sara means to say,” Ava says, slightly pushing Sara behind her. “Is that it’s kind of a complicated history.”

“I have had a master plan for  _ years _ ,” Sara says. “And now it can FINALLY be realized.”

“Should we have known about this plan?” Nate says.

“No,” Sara says. “I’m not even going to tell you now. You’d just ruin it.”

“That’s fair,” Nate says.

“You want Ava to get Kendra pregnant,” Zari says. She shrugs off the round of stares. “What? It’s obvious. You guys just don’t know Sara and Ava like I know them.”

“Oh yeah, rub that in my face,” Charlie says.

“Zari can rub herself in your face in a MINUTE,” Sara says.

“Is that an order?” Charlie asks.

“Oh, that’s fun,” Nate says. He turns to Sara. “Is it?”

“I am going to call Kendra and arrange a classy and fancy date for her, and myself, and Ava,” Sara says, ignoring them by holding up her hand. “And then we are going to go on this date, and none of you are going to ruin this for me, or I will fly us all into the Pacific Ocean and we will stay there until we all die.”

“Specific,” John says.

“Can any of the rest of us go on dates while you’re out?” Nate says. “If we’re gonna be parked for a day I want Ray to come over.”

“RAY!” Sara yells, balling her hand into a fist. “Fuck!”

“What about Ray?” Charlie asks.

“Kendra posted her profile to Upswipez,” Sara says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Ray fucking built the stupid fucking app. He probably knew Kendra was on before I did, and he’s probably going to try and double team her with Nora before I can double team her with Ava!”

Behrad points one finger at Sara and one finger at Nate. “Have we decided what ‘double-team’ means yet, or-“

“Oh,” Nate says. “Ray likes her?”

“They got engaged.” Mick says. “For like, five minutes.”

Nate says nothing, only frowns and looks at the projection of Kendra’s profile again. “She’s not  _ that _ pretty.”

“Yes she is,” Zari says.

Nate slumps. “I know.”

“Okay. We can work with this,” Sara says. She snaps her fingers. “Nate. Charlie. John, I guess. You three figure out how to make sure Ray and Kendra can’t meet up.”

“Ever?” Charlie asks.

“To be determined,” Sara says.

“That sounds like a plan to me,” Nate says. “I think  _ ever _ is a reasonable amount of time.”

“See?” Sara says. “This is why Nate is the favorite.”

“Because he’s a gay suck-up?” Charlie asks.

“Yes,” Sara says. 

“That’s fair,” Charlie says.

“If we’re going to talk sucking up, then we should go get busy, don’t you think?” John says.

“Great. Sure. Do that,” Sara says. “Don’t blow it.”

“Everyone stop saying words that can become oral sex jokes,” Behrad says.

“Mick, you’re in charge of-“ Sara waves her arms. “Everyone else.”

“Please don’t do that,” Mick says.

“It’s called taking one for the team, and we all have to do it,” Sara says.

“Oh, he’ll take one,” Zari replies.

“What did I just say?” Behrad asks. “If my sister and Astra are going to be like that, I can’t be in the room.”

“I need shower help,” Astra says, already pouting at Mick, batting her long, dark lashes. “I forgot how to do it.”

“She did,” Zari says, tugging at Mick’s sleeve. “It’s a real issue!”

“Behrad, can you intercept Kendra’s profile?” Sara says. “Filter out all of her messages?”

“Won’t she feel bad if she’s not getting any hits?” Behrad asks.

“No, she’ll obviously and rightfully think that everyone is too intimidated by her to send her anything. And then I’ll send her a tasteful nude of my ass, and she’ll be like oh wow, this is exactly what I wanted anyway.”

“How do you take nudes of your own ass?” Astra asks. “That seems uncomfortable.”

“That’s why Ava is here,” Sara says. “Among, you know, the other more obvious reasons.”

“Thanks,” Ava says.

“Okay sure, I can intercept her messages,” Behrad says. “I’ll get on it.”

“Wait-“ Mick says, reaching for him. “Don't leave me with them-”

Zari takes Mick's outstretched arm and wraps it around her waist. "You could leave at any time," she says.

"Unless you didn't want to," Astra says.

Behrad makes the executive decision to ignore Mick, as does Sara, who turns to her girlfriend.“Ava, we need you to find where I put my phone,” Sara says. A quick look at Zari. “Do you have any soft lights I can use for you know,” Sara motions around the curve of her breasts. “Effects.”

“Yeah, sure,” Zari says. “I’ve got like a bunch of them in a pile in my room. Just use whatever.”

Ava tucks her hand under her chin. “You should really store those more ergonomically.”

“No time for that,” Sara says, already dragging Ava away. “Do you have that set of sheer underwear I got you? I need to set the scene for your first impression.”

“Why would I have gotten rid of it?” Ava asks. “I know exactly where it is.”

“Ava Sharpe, you are going to be such a sexy other mother of Kendra’s child,” Sara says.

Ava flushes slightly, smiling to herself. She bumps Sara’s shoulder with her own. “Stop,” she teases.

“Never, baby girl,” Sara says, taking Ava’s hand. “But seriously. I need to find my phone.”


End file.
